When you "re-elect" us, we Republicans will continue to implement the following platform:
o We will make laws promoting the Judeo-Christian family unit and preventing all alternative or vicarious ways to channel your sexuality.
o We will persecute people who are homosexual, those who do not adhere to the Christian religion and those who are not white.
o We will force girls and women to gestate UNwanted pregnancies to term against their will. Despite the fact that the Bible never condemns abortion, nor does it ever defend human life in any form that exists prior to birth, as people. If anyone challenges the irrationality and/or hatefulness of this stance, we will respond by lying that "the Bible says so."
o We will force women to have unwanted children and make them work while their children are growing up alone.
o After forcing single pregnant women to bear unwanted children, we further will force them to give them up for adoption, and then later drive those kids into the military to be cannon fodder for the unconstitutional wars that we lyingly start and then perpetuate.
o We will never make direct references to Biblical passages in which Jesus commands His followers to show compassion for their neighbors. With a platform like this, we could never begin to defend ourselves if challenged on that!
o We will disavow, disregard, and disrespect the value and worth of any and all non-Judeo/Christian religions, and disparage and discredit them whenever we think we can get away with it.
o Even though none of us have ever yet discovered any way that opposite-sex marriage (which we will continue to deceptively call "traditional") could possibly need to be "defended" against same-sex marriage, we will continue the charade of claiming that the latter is harmful. If anyone challenges us on this, we'll cite the Bible -- while omitting, of course, any mention of the fact that the Bible never appointed nor authorized any person or group to act as a Gestapo to enforce its precepts versus society in general. And of course, in keeping with that, we will never make any reference to 1 Cor. 5:12-13!
o We will take the gloves off large trans and multi-national corporations and allow them to run roughshod over you and the environment.
o We will give these conglomerate businesses the ability to push down your wages as far as possible.
o We will allow companies to eliminate your health benefits and pensions.
o We will continue to expand the powers of the executive branch and render oversight by Congress irrelevant.
o We will abolish unions to take away any voice and collective power you have as workers.
o We will create a new class of people called the 'working poor' who work full time jobs but can't afford basic living expenses.
o While we're lowering your standard of living, we will remove all of the public services and the safety net that you'll need to survive.
o We willl destroy competition and promote monopoly power, particularly in the media, energy, prison and military manufacturing industries.
o We will allow, promote, create and support immense monopolies that crush small and medium sized businesses.
o We will represent and implement the will of these massive monopolies no matter what the people say or want.
o We will increase our stranglehold on national, state and local government and continue to make them more subservient to business.
o We will penalize you if you are not married, and we will make it more difficult for you to form relationships that might lead to marriage.
o We will ensure mass unemployment, start wars and send poor children off to these wars so that we can make more money.
o Multiculturalism is fine as long as it works to our advantage. At all other times, it is anathema, and should be publicly decried as being detrimental to American "values."
o We will expand the reach of law, the powers of law enforcement and allow government officers to operate in complete secrecy.
o We will imprison you and your children longer and longer for petty offenses and we will torture you when we think it is needed.
o If your skin is not white, we will tolerate you only as long as you work for very low wages and cower in front of us.
o We will tax corporations and rich people less and give them much more in return for campaing donations.
o We will tax the middle class more and give them much less in return whether they donate to campaigns or not.
o We will do away with the constitution and the rights of individuals in favor of the rights of corporations.
o We will make sure our seniors have to work to make ends meet and we will ensure that they will have little to no free health care available.
o We will continue to cut services and funding for disabled or wounded war veterans and their families.
o We will make sure that your child is educated only enough for menial work or entry into the armed forces.
o We will use your tax money to put our children through private schools while your children get the worst education possible.
o We will lie to you at every turn.
o We will make all our decisions in secret. If you start sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong, we will throw you in jail with no bail, charges or lawyer.
o Even though the rest of the world easily sees our hypocrisy, and loathes America for it, we will continue to imprison suspects for years at secret locations in foreign lands, and at Guantanamo, torture them at will, and deprive them of the fair trials they otherwise could expect our Constitution to guarantee them if they were on U.S. soil.
o Because we were able to get away with it so blatantly in 2000 and 2004, we will continue with the methods we've developed to ensure perpetual Presidential power and occupancy of the White House. And of course, whenever challenged on this by anyone, we will simply refer to them as "conspiracy theorists." Our nation of sheep hasn't yet learned to become properly suspicious of those who are derisive of conspiracies. Someday, they may start wondering just WHY a person would be so anxious to make fun of conspiracies, and realize that conspiring isn't all that difficult, and happens all the time. But until that day arrives, if ever, we'll just continue with the formula for dealing with this that works.
o Even though we probably have already accomplished this KEY objective, we will continue to stuff the U.S. Supreme Court with anti-personal-liberties "conservative" justices every chance we get. Now that the High Court no longer has an egalitarian majority, for the first time in 80 years, we can have our way with the entire system!
o If you disagree with us, you are a traitor and will be ostracized, imprisoned and killed at our discretion. You are irrelevant, but we do like to play the game of getting you to vote for us.